When the news first broke that a film was to be made, of the No.1 Bestseller The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold I thought ‘Great! So many book to film adaptations are around nowadays, there’s hardly ever an original idea running around anyone’s head. When a new one came out you’d always overhear some pompous twat telling you that it wasn’t as good as the book, and then let off a stupid posh chortle. Well I wanted to be one of those pompous twats!

So I got me a copy of the book, and started reading. I made sure to make light work of it too. The film was imminent so said Empire’s News section. But it wasn’t, from that first news story, the adaptation’s release took 4 years. Now the film has been released, and now that I have seen it, am I going to get my wish and start throwing around wanky comments about it not having the book’s depth or characterisation? No. It’s been 4 years, I can’t bloody remember any of it!

I do remember wondering how they’d film the Purgatory scenes, how do you imagine that? The book left something to be filled in by each reader’s imagination, but Peter Jackson would not have that luxury. He’d have to make it very clear what his idea of the Purgatory experienced by Susie Salmon (Saoirse Ronan) was like, yet at the same time, make it convey to the same idea originally created by each reader. Does he do a good job? I think so. Again, I read it so long ago that I can’t really remember what any of my imaginings were like. Perhaps that’s the reason Jackson took so bloody long to get the film going. He needed to wait for everyone to forget there even was a book (which sort of worked).

As a standalone film (if you forget there was ever an original novel), it works quite well. They’ve recreated 70s suburbia astutely, without having to smack you over the head with anything. The standout performance must go to Stanley Tucci, who plays Susie’s murderer George Harvey. He creates the perfect level of unease about his character before the murder for an audience to feel a strong sense of dread, before anything’s even happened. Then afterwards, he’s so calm and composed about everything, it’s hard not to hate not just him, but everyone else for not seeing his evil. All of the characters mail in commendable performances, all except for Ray Singh (Reece Ritchie). His character seems to have been ‘English kid’ at Susie’s school. And that’s as far as he’s taken it. He dances around, ballerina like from word to word, delivering each one more wooden than the last, with a needlessly posh English accent, he’s just a twat.

*SPOILERS*

The Lovely Bones is a nice little film yes, it runs through nicely. Girl, girl gets killed, police investigate, police don’t find anything, girl’s family get annoyed and can’t move on. But then the story arc is broken. What should be at the end of this sentence is ‘killer is found, family get closure’ or something where those two things are connected, but most of all are realistic. The Lovely Bones’ ending is just confusing. Susie’s Sister, Lindsey (Rose McIver) investigates George Harvey’s house, finds his sketchbook of murders, but instead of getting out of the house with the evidence, she stops to have a little read. I wouldn’t be surprised if she got the kettle on in a deleted scene she’s so casual about it. Seriously Lindsey, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Then when she does finally decide to get off, it’s because George comes back and catches her (as if this wasn’t always going to happen). She gets away back to her own house, where she can call the police or tell and adult, knowing that George is probably fleeing town... and oh what’s this... ‘my mum’s come home after being away. We’re a family again! The killer doesn’t need to be caught now... I’ve forgotten all about it.’ Come on Lindsey! You’ve got the evidence in your hand! Just call the police! She even hands it to her Grandmother, who still does fuck all about it! Do these people not care about their daughter’s murderer anymore? Fuck that, do they not care about him killing again!?

George Harvey does finally get his comeuppance... But it’s not by the hands of the Salmon family, and it’s not just after he flees that town. It’s when he’s just about to pick up some young girl (who looks about 24) to murder, when an icicle falls onto his head, impaling him from above. That scene’s pretty pointless with what’s gone before it. I mean, he’s much older, you’ve got to assume in the intervening years, he’s killed more girls (because he’s not been caught by the time he’s that old)... you might as well just assume that he died of old age as you would anyone.

These are two small scenes in the whole film, but they’re the two most important ones. They’re supposed to tie everything up. They’re what you leave the cinema thinking about the most. And they’re just annoying. The Lovely Bones is an annoying film. How dare they force me to put so much vested interested in Susie’s Killer being caught, and then just suddenly not care about it themselves. Bastards.