As I mentioned in last week’s review of Swan Lake, it wasn’t the normal type of review you could read, and use to decide if something was worth watching / buying / doing... as the tickets had been sold out. This week’s review turns out to be more of the same, albeit in a slightly different way. I’d expect almost everyone to already have seen Kick-Ass, assuming I myself would be the bandwagon whipping boy, as its latest newcomer. Those few who hadn’t seen it, I thought to be the sort of hard-nutted conservative (probably someone’s nan), who thought an 11-year old girl saying “C**t” (why am I starring it... I’m not 11! “Cunt”) was ‘too much’. Fucking Daily Mail readers. Or so I thought. It seems (as is more often the case than you might assume I’d care to admit, and you’d be right) I’d be wrong.

At the current stats, Kick-Ass’ Swiss like Box Office domination is painful to see. Its opening weekend garnering a figure you could only charitably describe as ‘nearly’ £4 million. This isn’t too bad for a British market figure, but if you compare to others’ openings, How to Train Your Dragon 3D achieving closer to £5mil, and Clash of the Titans 3D £5.7mil. Admittedly it’s still a competition, but if Kick-Ass is to respected as the Summer Indie/Blockbuster, Hollywood busting mega-hit it’s meant to be. It needs to buck its bloody ideas up.

Well this review (as irrelevant as it may be) is here to help. Because I don’t give a shit who you are, I really don’t. You should see this film. I will only take a couple of excuses. 1. You’re not 15+. I’m not going to stand here and say you should ‘find a way’, because it’s illegal and you shouldn’t. 2. You’re in a country where Kick-Ass hasn’t been released. It’s not worth flying over any borders to see. But only because of the environmental cost of something so ludicrous. If none of those apply, and you’ve not/aren’t planning to see it, what’s your excuse? Ah ah ah... No... I don’t want to hear it.

Some would hate me describing Kick-Ass as a ‘Superhero film’. Admittedly, technically, seeing as no one has any actual superpowers, they’re not ‘Super’heroes. But I’d still describe Batman as a superhero despite his obvious lack of (superhuman)power – which is another gripe for them altogether. But if you ask me... you fight crime wearing a costume, just because you want to, or think you should. Not because you get paid for it (like a policeman), and you’re a superhero. Kick-Ass’ lead suffers from this very problem. He wants to fight crime. He’s a comic book nerd of course, and like almost every comic book nerd, dreams of being a superhero himself. But short of dipping themselves in nuclear waste, that’s where most nerds’ dreams end. Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson – Nowhere Boy) has something else, something extra. As well as coveting a cool costume, millions of fans, and of course, girls, he just wants to help people (not least himself from getting mugged).

What does he decide the easiest, fastest way to not get mugged is? You, or I, or anyone else with grey matter would advise him to not walk down an alley in a bad area of New York, but not our Dave. In order to continue walking down the same dark alleys he clearly loves, he buys a makeshift costume from the internet and wears it like a pair of long johns, just in case. Soon enough, he gets his chance to prove himself, and is taken on a whirlwind journey. Every stop it feels like he’s lost his mind. ‘No Dave! No... Just stop! Give up whilst your heart’s still beating’ you shout at the cinema screen to the annoyance of the bloke in front.

Kick-Ass proves that you, your mate, anyone, can be a superhero. All you need is either years of fight skills and weapons training along with enough cash to buy a small country, or suicidal idiocy and an immense amount of luck. It is a superhero film. But it’s a real one. This is how a real person, in a real city, full of real people would get on, if they tried it for real. And it’s so much better for it.