One of the oldest stories still being re-written, re-imagined, and re-made to this day. Swan Lake is generally only found in one form. Ballet. The original composed by Russian legend Tchaikovsky in 1876. I wouldn’t like to see the 8 thousandth re-hash of the American Pie series, but this seems to have stood the test of time rather well. Many many Directors, and ballet groups have taken on the fable, re-interpreted it to differing levels and presented it themselves. Despite, it remains as popular as ever. The show runs 6 nights, 30 March to 4 April (with a matinee on the 3rd) so when you read this, it will already be too late. Unless you want to pay £65 for a ‘Standing Seat’. Every seat was booked up months ago.

But this isn’t about going out and enjoying some easy, Hollywood entertainment this evening. If the idea of visiting the Ballet seems exciting from this review, then go and see the coming attractions you can buy tickets for now. The tickets only cost me £15 each back in January.

On to the show. And it is a show, a complete spectacle. I hadn’t seen any form of Swan Lake before, so I didn’t even know the basic plot. I knew it had lots of swans, dancing. Bit weird when you think about it, but you don’t think about it do you. The whole first act doesn’t involve any swans at all. It’s all set up. We get introduced to the Prince character, the male lead. For the performance I attended, I was ‘lucky’ enough to see the role filled by the International Ballet Superstar Carlos Acosta. Supposedly this guy’s the David Beckham of Ballet, but I wouldn’t be particularly excited about seeing Beckham play football so I’m not sure.

Turns out I thought he was a bit shit. His performance was filled with a horrible arrogance, which I hope wasn’t just a character trait. How am I supposed to care about the main character if he’s so arrogant he blocks any request I might have to identify with him. I can see where he gets his arrogance from though, every time he wiggles a cotton-covered toe in our direction the crowd is in raptures. This is like a Robbie Williams concert when he doesn’t bother to sing, he just stands there and lets the audience praise him for 2 hours. Let Me Entertain You? I wish you fucking would! I don’t know much about what makes a good performance in ballet, but I reckon when you spin you’re not supposed to nearly fall and have to take a steadying step every time you go round more than three times.

Apart from him, the whole performance was brilliant. I’d recommend, instead of watching the Prince, keep your eyes on the Jester for the first act. His role offers comedy relief, and does it well. And his relationship with one of the Palace Maids (she seems) is great considering they’ve only got music and dance moves at their disposal. He’s her gay best friend, and you lose yourself in the first scene as it turns into an episode of Sex and the City. The second act is all about the dance of the swans. You get to see the beauty of organisation, and synchronisation within the art. It’s also the act with more of Tchaikovsky’s famous music. Parts of the act, and music have been referenced in an amount of more modern entertainment so large it’s hard to believe until you see them all, here, the originals.

So what do I think, as someone who’s never experienced a Ballet before? It’s a little nerve wracking at first. You’re scared of a rogue cough illegally expelling itself from your chest, sending thousands of pairs of eyes, shooting into your back with the speed of a rocket propelled grenade. You’re also constantly worried about missing something, about not understanding something, thus making you feel something of a Stupid Stewart. But there’s no need. Like I say, it only cost me £15. Cheaper than a football match. The best way to experience it is just to enjoy to comfortable seats and warm atmosphere, relax your eyes a bit, and enjoy the music, and impressive combination dances.

That’s it.