Recently, I sort of realised I may have, over the years, developed a completely hetero, 100% normal and in no way lawyer baiting obsession with George Clooney. I came to this realisation Tuesday night, after seeing the third new film (I hadn’t seen before) featuring the coffee loving actor in as many days.

As was mentioned to me soon after my brave confession – “He’s not even a good actor. He…..” and the rest sort of blends into white noise as my mind skips a beat whilst descending into a flurry of expletives. After placing the now foam spewing cinema seat back in is place (yet still obviously broken), I admitted “yeah, you’re kind of right”. He doesn’t get that many massively different acting parts to try and fulfil. It’s the same cocky, refined, smooth, lady-loving, and smooth wise-cracking character we all know and love from previous hits (and E.R.). But what’s wrong with that? So he might not win armfuls of Oscars ever month, but who cares? I love every film he’s in. He’s a joy to watch.

I’m not a snobby film fan. I may have completed a film studies course (with the best possible grade) and two film production courses with… a grade. But a film doesn’t have to have a message, doesn’t have to force you to ask questions about the world, about society, the government, or God forbid, yourself. It has to be enjoyable to watch. I enjoy watching Clooney.

Burn After Reading

Mr. Georgie the Cloon doesn’t have the biggest part in this surprisingly short, under the radar Coen Bro. flick. But he does SPOILER ALERT get to kill Brad Pitt SPOILER ALERT which is pretty cool in anyone’s book. The film cherry picks some of the dumbest, bumbling, hapless idiots from the DC fruit tree. A scriptwriting tutor once told me I was an idiot for writing a character as a normal person. Apparently s/he has to be a Grammy Award winning bomb disposal expert to be interesting. Well fuck that. All the characters here fall from the same tree. The talent-ridden brothers weave a web like fucking Charlotte as their characters fall deeper and deeper into depression, desperation, despair, and death.

Men Who Stare at Goats

Based on a true story – I’m sure the book would be a more fascinating story than the film – it’s about the American Army’s field research into training of Psychic Soldiers. They believed they could train (an already gifted soldier) to move things, walk through walls, travel anywhere on earth, see through anyone’s eyes, stop an enemy killing them, and even stop an enemy’s heart – with the power of their mind. Sounds like pretty cool, X-Men shit right? Well it’s not. It’s real.

I’m not confirming my belief in the actual possibility of the ‘powers’. But someone pretty high up in the Army had the belief, so I’m not discounting it either. I’m Sorry I Haven’t Got a Cloon stars in this one, as the most gifted rookie recruit in the unit – turned washout after he’s forced to use his peace-developed powers for evil. With Ewan McGregor taking us through the present day situation, his journalist encourages Cloon to sneak him into Iraq to get a story that will win him back his wife.

I’m sure most of the McGregor character has been extended to give it some flow, there’s the smallest shred of a character arc with his ‘goal’ to win back his wife (Although this is mentioned only once). Otherwise I can only hope a lot of it’s from the book.

Similar to Burn After Reading, in that just fun to get behind the character and enjoy the waterslide which is his journey. Cloon has a bigger part, but he’s the same guy. With no Brad Pitt or John Malkovich to take the comedy strain from his back, Cloonster stands up pretty well.

Up in the Air

According to the IMDB profile (which if you’ll remember last week’s review I suggested should be trusted at all costs) suggests The Cloontown Rat’s character Ryan Bingham ‘has a job that has him travelling around the country firing people’ (true), he ‘leads an empty life out of a suitcase’ (false). Very very false. In order to understand the movie, you need to understand that he loves living out of a suitcase! He doesn’t even own or rent an apartment. He talkes of the 43 days of the year he spends at ‘home’ with such distaste, you really feel for him when his company makes the decision to make their business 100% webcam based. Firing people via webcam. It’s the future. It also sees Bingham go into meltdown.

The strategist of the webcam operation is relative newcomer Anna Kendrick you’ll be certain you’ve seen her in something before. Perhaps a few things, but you won’t be able to tell what it is. You’ll think… Mean Girls? No, too old. Saved? No that girl was uglier (plus you probably haven’t seen it). I’ll save you the trouble, it was Twilight (and possibly New Moon too). Bingham is tasked with showing her the ropes as he simultaneously works through some strange new feelings with a girl he met on the road.

As is the norm, Clooney plays… Clooney. A sexy, straight/sweet talking loaner, determined to continue ‘having fun’ well into his sixties as his hair turns grey and his knees turn to rice pudding. I think the point is for the audience to encourage him to settle down, to stop living the life he enjoys on the road, to have friends, and family, and people to rely on, to be boring. So I agree with the friends, possibly the family bit. But why should he change? He loves being who he is. He’s having a great time. I much prefer ‘On the Road Clooney’. In fact… Up in the Air has inspired me… I’m off to apply for a job as a travelling airplane salesman.