Let’s be serious here for a second... most of you lot are never going to even consider going to this place as a dinner option. Walthamstow is the final stop (north) on the Victoria line, so it’s unlikely to be on your way home (unless you live in Walthamstow). Even from the tube station it’s a walk you need a map/iPhone for. Past the delights of the bus station, Chicken Spot, and thousands of miles of phone shops – you know the ones, with a caricatured cockney standing out the front shouting “Get yer Stolen Goods here” – turning off the main road into a more residential area, you start to wonder if you’ve taken a wrong turn, down a path that should have been a lane. ‘This can’t be right, these are just houses!’ you scream into the face of your date, making her think twice about you but also weirdly aroused at the same time. Until you catch the horizon and you’re rewarded with a view of Walthamstow Village. The Village is like... well it’s like a village. One of those villages just outside big cities where footballers and Emile Heskey live; loads of unbelievably tiny versions of trendy shops and restaurants.

One such place, is Eat 17 (a play on the Village’s postcode E17). It’s properly trendy too, not just filled with fads. You can tell the difference by style. e.g it’s a fad to dress like you’re from the 80s, but it’s trendy if you can manage to do it and make it look good. Lobbing a grenade into a pile of paints and awaiting the results with open arms isn’t stylish – it’s Mr. Bean. No no. Eat 17 does it right, it does all the right things you’ve read about in books. Locally sourced menu, not just local... but from famous names that sound more impressive than they are. Local fruit from New Covent Garden market? It’s just fruit! Same as fruit from any other place. If you’re going for local, why not fruit from Ken’s on the corner? Because Ken isn’t impressive (sorry Ken) that’s why. No one hears Ken’s name and thinks “ooohhhh... from Ken’s darling!”

Personally I don’t give a shit about that. I don’t care if you get your fruit from space or from your own garden, it doesn’t make it taste any better... I don’t even like to get sucked in by the whole ‘locally sourced’ false economy. You say to me... ‘But less transport means less pollution James! The environment James!’ – Incorrect. The requirement of finding local places means finding smaller places, meaning places with less efficiency, therefore more pollution per production item than a larger factory farm 100 extra miles down the road. Who’s the environmentalist now!? Well it’s still not me. I’m not going to argue with the waiters and tell them how big a mistake they’re making... I think it’s great they’re trying to do something (for whatever reason) – and if they’re encouraging the trend of environmentalism to prosper then I’m all for it.

Truth is, none of that shit matters. The tastiness of the food matters. Which is very nice. The menu’s filled with plenty of different options, whatever different mood you’re in, mostly in the £7-8 region. Which is a couple of quids less than you’d pay for a similar place in the centre. The ambience is level. It’s quite large and mostly a bit slow, but doesn’t mean it’s a chore to be there. It’s quiet, and that’s nice. Soft lighting is always a pleasure, but still being able to see what you’re eating. The downside is that it could be bit smaller. Either smaller, darker, tighter, or just filled with more stuff. It feels a little bit cold. Meaning when you’ve finished your meal, you don’t really want to hang around pissing about with coffee, or even dessert. Which is a shame because if you can manage one, they look good.

DRINK SELECTION: Well considered wine list, quality beers (including an Eat 17, locally brewed option), and juice cocktails. Downside? You feel bad just having a coke. ***

COST OF A MEAL: £8-12 per main £4/5 starter/dessert additions. Good price for the quality, but you pay (through the teeth) in having to get there first.  ****

STAFF: Quiet and uncompromising. Can be a good thing, but these guys are more A-level than PhD. **

FOOD: Variety, and ingredients, but I’m not sure they know what ‘Toad in the Hole’ actually is. ****

SKIRT RATIO: To take a date? Only if she lives in the area, otherwise you’ll tire her out just getting there, and it’s not the cosiest of sofa warm-ups. ***

Overall: Fine food, well cooked with quality ingredients, for a good price. Atmosphere is stylish but a bit cold. Seems to have lost it’s homely touch somewhere along the way. ***

Eat 17 - Walthamstow - Brought to you by James Wormald -