Ever get the feeling what with all this gastropub nonsense that some places have forgotten where the name ‘gastropub’ even comes from? Me too. I’m not talking about the ‘gastro’ part, God knows what the feck that means or where it comes from. Most likely the first name of the Chelsea-born, old-money, Guardian reading wanker who coined it. No, I mean the ‘pub’ bit. Some of these places, short of sitting atop the gravesites of an older generation of pub greats far more deserving the three letter abbreviation, have nothing at all in common with their long past relatives.

The Cumberland Arms in no-man’s land between Kensington and Hammersmith seems to be a different animal all together. Its Kensington side is well and truly gastro-la-rific. Some examples of their ‘monthly changing’ menu are thus:

Fettuccine with broad beans, courgette, marjoram & cream £7/£9.50

Pan roast cod fillet – sautéed cauliflower & green beans – black olive tapenade. £13

You can get Roast potatoes with rosemary as a side! They do cheese... in the bloomin’ dessert section for Chrissake! All very posh I’m sure you’ll agree.

However.

There’s also a more relaxed, Hammersmith side to this place. Along with the incredibly over the top, ‘up it’s own artichoke’ food menu, it’s perfect to sink pint after pint, forgetting all time for an entire evening. Reasons for this? As ever with that question, it’s a difficult one. Who’s to say what makes anything so good? It could be the décor, sumptuous woods of dark brown and... slightly lighter dark brown. The floor, chairs, tables, bar, back bar, walls, and ceiling, everything’s wood. Even the wallpaper’s brown (or just dirty). But that’s what I love about a proper pub. The wood, the warmth of it, the lack of matching chairs, the chips, stains, and carvings in the tables and windowsills. That along with the availability of a table. Tell the truth I can’t be sure of a weekend, but on a weeknight you should be able to get a seat before too long. In a party of about 25 it took less than10 minutes to wait for enough tables. I could get served slower in most other pubs in the area.

Once the food had been ordered it was only another 10 minutes for it to arrive. That may be a mistake on my (or my watch’s) part, but it truthfully doesn’t matter if it’s 10 minutes, or 2 hours. The point is that it felt like 10 minutes because time seems to slip so easily and leisurely away.

I don’t recall if there was any music going on, probably not. Again, you don’t notice if there is, or isn’t music. Because if it is there, it doesn’t get on your nerves, you can still hear the person at the other corner of your table’s hair growing. That means you can have a comfortable conversation without the need for a Strepsil. Similarly, if there isn’t music, you’re met with the soundtrack of talkative Londoners to warm your ears.

BEER SELECTION: Quality beers, Bitter/Guinness/Cider selection too. Not to mention Aspall on tap! Aspall! On tap! Nice wines for a pub, only thing missing is cocktails, but what do you want a cupcake on a stick? Fuck off. *****

COST OF A ROUND: To be honest I’ve no idea. Didn’t buy any drinks myself. Food prices are a bit much, but I’d expect drinks to be a little better value for money. ***

STAFF: Smiley staff members, even with 25 drinks ordered at once. No fuss and as quick as you can imagine. ****

FOOD: The food was very nice, everyone’s plates were filled pretty high at the start and looked pretty bare by the end. Service time was incredible too. ****

SKIRT RATIO: Due to the area (Kensington, down the road from Olympia exhibition centre) not really the most hip and happening place to meet young sexy types like yourself. **

Overall: Your favourite tipple, tasty food if you want it. Bit pricey, but you get what you pay for. There seems to be a shortage of high scoring SKIRT RATIO venues at the moment, but the overall feel of this place makes up for it. ****

The Cumberland Arms - Kensington - Brought to you by James Wormald -