To the casual socialite, or the visiting socialite, perhaps even the hardened tourist, London city appears to be a minefield of areas, districts, and avenues. Hidden within these avenues are some of the best pubs, bars, and clubs in the world. When I say best, I’m not talking about ones that fulfil every single need and want from every customer. Those are the kinds of places you’d need to sell a vital organ to afford a half. Fortunately once inside the staff will cater for any conceivable request. Including donating whichever of their own organs you’re missing. Leaving you sipping diamond martinis out of a sapphire glass, on a bejewelled sofa with Tom Jones on the karaoke whilst the barmaid’s carried away to slowly die without bothering you. No not those.

I mean the best everyman pubs. Where maybe someone actually might go. These are the kinds LMU attempts to sieve out of the crap. For every Titty Twister there’s a Cheers, and for every Walkabout there’s a Sway.

In my mind the sign of a good bar is one that caters for different tastes. A lot of places try to offer one night of rock, one of dance, and similar numbers of disco, jazz and whatever else. It’s an attempt to appeal to absolutely everyone, which is easy to fuck up. Predictably, trying not to alienate anyone, results in impressing no one.

Sway manages the job with a running theme of style and panache. Wednesday nights present Sway’s happy night, promoting £2 drinks (smallprint goes on to state the offer is not available on most drinks) for single mixers, small wines, and bottled beers.

It does a ‘Blues Jive’ night every Friday. Often with a live band, it’s aimed at people who love their music, and love their dancing. The venue really takes advantage of its underground location, 3pm closing time and industrial air-conditioning as partners get together to sway to smooth tunes into the wee hours.

Saturday nights seem to alternate between the school disco night once a fortnight (which I’ve not been to), and the signature club night. Despite the place having resident DJs, even I find it wholly enjoyable. The mark of a great club is not just one that puts on different nights, but one that pleases all with just one. Sway creates a fun and funky atmosphere with everyone dancing (badly) and just enjoying the music, sporting a smile. The way it should be.

Also does proper food earlier on in the evening. I haven’t been there early enough to partake before, but if it’s in the same vein as the rest of the place, I can pretty much guarantee that it’s worth a shunt. Definitely worth the relatively cheap asking price.

BEER SELECTION: Couple of brand names. Bottled only. **

COST OF A ROUND: In the middle. Just under a tenner for a 3-drink round. ***

STAFF: Friendly. Sexy. Don’t get stressed under pressure. Worth a tip. ****

FOOD: Much cheaper than drinks. £7 average for mains. Probably really nice too. *****

SKIRT RATIO: Young, sexy, trendy crowd. Most know it, but it’s not pretentious.  ****

Overall: Pricey drinks and £10 in on weekends. Have a few somewhere else first and save it for a big night where you don’t mind spending. Or take advantage of the food and leave early. Either way, show up before 11 if you don’t fancy hanging about on the street like a hooker all night. ****