Stories
TheWorm Slashes Open His Hand - Brought to you by James Wormald -
As with most of my stories to date, many of the people involved spent the majority of the story horrendously wasted. I’m sure you’ll all be relieved to know that this is no exception. In fact this one is quite special. This is a story of a night, which there were myself, and Oli in attendance. Whenever the two of us go out together, something invariably happens.
The plan was simple enough; we get wasted at the House of Trouser until about 22:30, then taxi it down to Evolution. When there, Oli is an Australian businessman (Or something equally as weird and apparently sexy). And I am a successful business entrepreneur.
We sticking close enough to the plan until we actually arrived, when Oli was too drunk to bother with the act. Because Evolution is quite a student venue (Or so I’m told) it was a tad light due to it being summer. This meant we weren’t exactly spoilt for choice. Never one to let an insignificant thing like this get in the way, Oli got stuck in. Within moments he’d pointed out two trolls.
Oli: What do you think of them?
Me: Bit rough mate, to be honest.
Oli: Yeah they are aren’t they?
(Beat)
Oli: Which one do you want?
After that time wasted with the bulldogs, we took to a more subtle approach. Dancing. For me, this is usually extremely subtle. (Dancing not my best asset I’ll admit)
Maybe this is why by some form of divine intervention, I was able to show off one of my better assets, falling over and hurting myself. It took me a while to realise I was bleeding all over the floor. However when I did, acting like the responsible adult that I am, I quickly got my slashed up hand seen to. Refusing to go to the hospital and opting for two free drinks meant I was back on the dance floor as quick as possible. And more drunk than ever!
Some good work was done, upon being forced to ask for a phone number I really didn’t want, I (Unfortunately) couldn’t find a pen. And towards the end of the evening I made a bet with a girl I had been talking to throughout the night. The bet was that Oli was going to pull one of her friends, knowing man-whore Oli as well as I do, I knew I couldn’t lose.
However as the evening’s end drew near, still no luck. All her friends were playing hard to get. Unfortunately for me, Oli’s type is the type of girl whose legs have the same policy as a Las Vegas casino (They’re always open). Desperate, I suggested we all share a taxi, hopefully this would give him that extra few minutes he needed. And that £3 would be mine!
Alas, luck was not on Oli’s nor my side, he did not pull, and I lost the bet. But the taxi happened to stop on the ride back. Never ones to miss an opportunity, Oli and I jumped out and ran for home.
So I lost the bet, but didn’t have to pay up. AND I got the taxi back for free! Talk about silver lining.