Events
The Worm’s 20th... 2 - Brought to you by James ‘The Worm’ Wormald -
Because of the terrible unfortunate absence of the actual Worm (Due to quarantine regulations of the house of trouser) on TheWorm’s birthday two weeks ago, the proper celebrations were held here! Now! When the great man himself was in attendance! What a treat!!!!!!1!One1 I had already handled the invitations, (sent a text message to everyone in my phone the night before) this assured a bizarre night, full of blatantly random surprises. Just for the whet, surprises include the appearance of Leg.End Jaquesy, along with Becca (American) not to be confused with Becca ((Leeds) (Blonde)), as well as Bootstrap and Genesis, and the S.S.Chapman A.K.A Chap stick A.K.A. Chappie Chap Chap Chap Chappy Boy, A.K.A. Sam.
And so it went, The House of Trouser Massive started off in an unusually comfortable position of not having to sneak past (Scarper whilst she’s upstairs) Punks, as she was missing presumed dead, now we just wish she’s dead. With the presentation of us over, there was the arrival of the first guest, Mikey! He insisted he was there because he started working at 6, but I knew the truth, he wouldn’t miss it for the world. After about half an hour (as long as it took Emma to understand his name), LMU newcomer Caleb joined the gang. We only managed to get roughly 10 minutes of lesbian beating anecdotes in before we were greeted by our next guests. I believe it was at this stage I became fully astonished, I had friends, who knew!? Emma and Natalie T Girl, they didn’t stay long, but it was long enough to enjoy the arrival of Jordan.
This is when it really started to get good. With Jordan here, we could all start drinking. (He goes the bar every 5 minutes, and buys everyone 3 drinks whilst there) (What a dickhead) It was also the presence of Jordan, which instilled in me the required notification of Walkabout’s own Barmaid/Comedy Genius Roz. Upon being presented, or rather assaulted by Jordan with the use of my Ozbod card, a look of sheer shock/excitement filled her face. This, much like the ‘brown sound’, lost me the use of my bladder. She however, refused to see where the hilarity lay, I still think she hasn’t forgiven me for trying to clean her bar that one time.
In my continual drunken state, I partook in a little game, I like to call ‘take Youd’s phone from him, in front of him, in a terribly obvious manner, then flatly refuse and drunkenly refute I ever had it. Then wait until he gives up and goes the toilet to send a ‘romantic’ text to Bootstrap (Stacey). I won, and it was a lot of fun. Like any game it has its flaws, this one being the level of ‘pissed at me’ Youd would take away from the game. Which is why I saw the perfect chance to right my terrible wrong when Bootstrap showed up, (as a direct result of my/Youd’s text? The Cupid in me would like to think so) along with the infamous, or in-famous? You Decide! (Very In Joke) Faugh.
Never let a bad word be said about getting your round in, not only does it kill all the notions that you truly are a tight-fisted cunt, it saves Jordan some cash, also (In the case of walkabout) gives you the chance of an adventure. Because of the vast and alternative terrains you come across in there, a lot can happen when trying to get to the bar. Like getting off with some hot girl for no reason other than I wanted to get past her, or possibly something even better. Like running into Sam (“possibly”). Fortunately Sam had been drinking since 1pm, so he didn’t know who I was. I don’t even think he knew where he was. Which was lucky, I couldn’t find him for another hour. Jaquesy was there briefly too, with Becca (American), + friends, and JIM! Not only does he exist, he’s everywhere, that’s two events in a row!
Before we left there was just time to freak original barmaid Nabila out, again. With the purchase of a single, un-opened can of Red Bull. After palming the expensive energy drink to Mikey (He really needed it) we were on our way. And so it was left to myself, Mr. Youd, Gazz, and Caleb to head the operation to rape Jordan on the grass. We managed it about 3 or 4 times before getting bored, leaving Jordan quivering, bleeding and horrified, lying on the floor with a phantasmagoria of the horrific events of that night. He was gagging for it!!!!!!1Two!!