Events
Out Out - Brought to you by Gemma Surtees -
After deciding that I was definitely having a ‘fat day’ and that I had no clothes to wear I rounded up Benny B, avoiding Kev in the process, and set off for Gazz’s - GHD’s in tow! On arriving I was quickly ushered into the kitchen to straighten Nath’s hair, as I have now become the resident hairdresser at number 16. After convincing a dishevelled Claire that she should come out later on, Youd, Gazz, Nath, Benny, James and myself hopped in a taxi to Bourbon.
Bourbon was quiet to say the least, with only the five of us in the whole bar and only the occasional bout of women walking past for Youdy to eye-up! After a while Michelle and Sarah Murphy joined us which perked the guys up a bit, and even without Jordan being there we managed to fill in some time by taking the piss out of how bad his driving was and the size of his head etc. I also eventually managed to convince Gazz that I would NOT kiss Michelle “just to check that I’m not bi-sexual”. At this point it was suggested that we should move on to Walkabout and it didn’t seem like such a bad idea!
Walkabout was packed with students who had obviously forgotten what date Halloween was and had all of the regular ‘guys dressed as old women’ (one of which I recognised, as Elise felt him up last week!) We were soon to be joined by James, Claire, Katie and her mates. I was surprised to see that Youd and James managed to ‘restrain’ themselves from pouncing on Katie’s friends and molesting them as they usually would have.
By 11pm, Claire, Gazz and Katie had all departed so it was down to the remaining seven of us to drink Walkabout dry. By this time we were all quite merry, with Youdy buying shots for everyone and astounding us with the fact that he knows ALL of the words to ‘Cool Rider’ from Grease 2, apparently because his sister has it on all of the time, but I’m not convinced! It seemed that it was to be Youdy’s lucky night when he spied his old friend Gemma across the dance floor and spent most of the evening prepping her so that he could ‘slip her one’ as he put it! She seemed quite up for this but Youd’s biggest hurdle was to convince her larger than life friend Emma (yes, that’s her name Youdy!) to go along with the plan. At this point we were all pretty drunk, Benny sat on a bar stool with his 28th pint of the night, Youd and James [the wingman, or Fat Deflector] still working on Gemma and Emma, Nath drinking and dancing the night away, Sarah dancing with her pint while Michelle finished her Turd Ferguson (which actually tastes quite nice and just goes to show what pussies some guys are) I, on the other hand, was busy being propositioned by an 80 year old man.
At around 1.30 it was clear that Youdy had pulled, so he and James took Gemma and ‘Sarah or is it Kelly?’ to Bar Risa to get them completely trollied. The rest of us figure it's time to call it a night and make our way home, stopping at Raja’s for something resembling food on the way.
At 2.30 Nath and I were sat eating a kebab at Gazz’s when Youd, James and their conquests, Gemma and Emma, burst in screaming. It becomes clear that Youd may actually have done it! This is short lived though, when the girls’ taxi arrives and they say their slurred goodbyes. Not to be disheartened by this, Youdy agrees to give Gemma her mobile back in exchange for a kiss (which he makes sure is a good one by grabbing her round the neck) and promptly calling her a slag as he closed the door behind them.
Now Youdy is drunk AND horny and deems it necessary to take his trousers down whilst bending over the coffee table and stroking himself, not a pretty sight. After more of this, whilst wearing a piece of tin foil on his head, he finally got off to bed. I just hoped that we’re not scarred for life by what we saw.
The next morning I wake up on Gazz’s living room floor wearing an ‘I’m with Youd’ t-shirt and nothing else, so I guess it was good night!