Events
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After the ecstasy of the day there was plenty to celebrate/ponder for both paintball teams. Unfortunately there was too much of what he calls celebration, what I call pretending he had anything to do with it for Gazz. Which left him little time to attend the evening’s proceedings.
The event doubled as the second addition to the Uni Night series, last week having been such a success, we’ve decided to turn it into a fortnightly thing. So in the interest of setting up a regular event, we met at Bourbon at about 19:30 again. And once again, I hung back to wait for Nathan and Katie.
Not quite being sure exactly what drink I was in the mood for, I thought it might be time to try that weird new WKD Red. I wish I hadn’t, it’s not nice (But it IS nicer than the other flavours, so I reckon I got off lightly). After the first round had been guzzled by our young student minds, and our old student livers were put to work, we decided to sheen on up to Walkabout. Seeing as Bourbon was becoming deader by the second.
Pretty soon after arriving in the (By now) horrendous afore mentioned Walkabout, it became apparent that the ratio of bartenders to customers was 1:10000000(Some insurmountable number). In a moment of genius, someone suggested we try upstairs. In reality, the bar was just as busy as the one downstairs, only with less competent staff. We’d decided to stay upstairs anyway.
And a wonderfully entertaining evening followed. Unfortunately Katie was forced into an early departure, however it’s the thought that counts, at least she showed her face, GAZZ!
The rest of the night only really comes in a variety of small chunks. Theses include the new greeting Gemma invented of forcing her breasts against one’s chest. After learning this, a bathroom break came every ten minutes, as did I.
Heather decided she wanted to set up Jordan and Kev, but they were having none of it. And Heather (The award winning* D.O.P.) couldn’t get the camera to work in time to get any photographic evidence.
Youdy kept complaining that a really fit girl was getting with a hideously ugly bloke. So we formed a plan! Youd would swoop in with his double 0 Youd act and get off with the girl. And to keep the guy quiet whilst he was receiving the ultimate in cock-blockings, Caleb would beat him up. It was faultless! It was flawless! It was fail-less! Yeah, fail-less! That was until Youd become much more interested in getting a free driving game.
It was in my interest of reviving the plan when I took off to the other end of the bar to find the girl (after she’d escaped my sight). However all was lost, she must have left with the freak. It was on my way back to my friends, on my way back to safety, that I was accosted by two Newcastle fans.
“I’ll give you £5 if you pull this girl in 10 seconds”
The guy said to me. To which the girl just started looking away, giggling, grabbing on to his arm, and squealing something in the range of:
“No, no don’t hehehehehehehe Noooooo!”
The guy then ran off, leaving me alone with a giggling mental patient.
So, keeping a cool head on proceedings (Someone had to) I did my best to calm the poor thing down.
The guy comes back after half an hour of me pretending to talk, and the girl telling me how great I am. He asks me: “So… D’you get her number?
To which I reply: “No. See ya” and swiftly fuck off.
Back to the hilarities of riding Jordan’s rather large carcass, after I’d escaped the clutches of that horrible double act from Newcastle. By the time I did get back, however, the night seemed to be dying down rather fast. So we just left.
There was some confusion outside the bar. Many people wanted to get taxis. But they seemed to forget this meant they couldn’t be involved in the ritual raping of Jordan on the grass. I mentioned it to them, but no one seemed to care.
So, again another phantasmagoria of flashbacks and horrific images filled Jordan’s dreams that night. That’s the only reason I rape him so often, so I get to use the word phantasmagoria.
…
Phantasmagoria!
* LeedsMeUp.com International Film Festival