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Leg.Ends: Jordan - Brought to you by James Wormald -
Jordan Joseph Samuel John Michael Stephen James Thomas Barber – A Tribute
Jordan is now, what we like to call, Living Dead. This is a full member of leedsmeup, who was previously graveyarded for his absence. This means he is the only person ever in the whole 2 year history of leedsmeup to complete 2 Challenges! Nathan can’t even do one! Fucking Nathan! He’s never gonna get a leg.end’s article of his own if he carries on being that wank. Although he does write very good articles I’ll give him that.
Jordan’s wank, let me put that across straight away. We say it all the time, and it’s not a contradiction. He’s always late, he acts unbelievably camp despite forcing us to believe he’s not gay, he never does any work, he’ll buy anyone a drink, whatever they’ve done to him, and then take stick for it.
It is this adversity that Jordan strives through, which makes him leg.end.gary. I implore you to rip the shit out of him in one of the usual ways. Jordan’s got a massive head, Jordan’s a virgin, Jordan’s sister’s really fit, Jordan’s sister’s incredibly ugly. Y’ada y’ada y’ada. And see what he does.
What did he do?
a)Come back with a fast, witty retort. Turning the situation on it’s head and making you the fool
b)Just say one of shitty catchphrases, proving him to be twice as wank as you ever imagined it possible for him to be.
It was b) wasn’t it?
Even though he uses the exact same comebacks every time, making himself look like even more of an idiot, he does it with a smile on his face. Despite the mountains and mountains of stick he is forced to endure, he hasn’t (yet) committed suicide. (We expected him to do it a long time ago).
Truth is, I don’t know how Jordan truthfully feels about it all. Whether he actually takes it all in good humour, and revels in the fact that we’re talking about him. Or if he secretly curses us all with dark voodoo in his shitty flat. I hope it’s the former, and not only (however mainly) due to the fact that I don’t much fancy developing syphilis.
There always has to be a runt in every group. Someone who the rest of the group all make fun of more than anyone else. Someone who goes to get the drinks, and orders the food more than anyone else. And if you think the group doesn’t have one, it’s you.
Jordan most certainly is the runt, he’s just about one of the most obvious runts I’ve ever come across. But he knows he is, and he takes it with such grace. And we all love him.
We love you Jordan.
xxx