Articles
Gazz talks bollocks... all the fucking time. You don’t know, you don’t have to live with him. Luckily, he writes up to 600% more bollocks than he talks. So like an Erotic Novel to end all Erotic Novels, with more bollocks than you can shake a mop at, here’s a lovingly crafted (this took me about two weeks!) compilation of all the most bollocks bits of his 52 LMU.Com writings.
Uncommon Words / Phrases
You might know, or you might not know what the following words mean. Gazz does (for some reason), and he fills his scribblings with them week in, week out, just so people think he’s clever. For each entry, I’ve included a Dictionary Definition, as well as a more personal Gazz Definition, so we can all see exactly where some of his shit comes from.
Afrikaaner /af-ri-kah-ner/ noun
Dictionary Deifinition: An Afrikaans-speaking South African, of European (especially Dutch) descent.
Gazz Definition: A native of South Africa.
Appears In: District 9
Aped verb
Dictionary Definition: Imitate someone ORIGIN: ape noun an animal related to the monkeys but with no tail, such as a chimpanzee or gorilla.
Gazz Definition: To copy.
Appears In: Scrubs: Med School
Bally /Bal-ee/ adjective
Dictionary Definition: A British minced oath meaning Bloody. ‘They had a bloody good time’.
Gazz Definition: Posher, Oxbridge way of saying ‘bloody’.
Appears In: Prince of Persia: Forgotten Sands (Xbox)
Bluster verb (blusters, blustering, blustered) ■ Blustering adjective
Dictionary Definition: 1 Talk loudly or aggressively without having any effect. 2 (of wind or rain) Blow or beat fiercely and noisily. noun Loud and empty talk.
Gazz Definition: Bravado.
Appears In: Lives From New York Street
Canvass verb □ Canvasser noun
Dictionary Definition: 1 Visit someone to ask for their vote in an election. 2 Question someone to find out their opinion.
Gazz Definition: To go around, enlisting support.
Appears In: Sheen Unit: JFT Launch
Central Conceit
Dictionary Definition: The underlying fictitious assumption, which must be accepted by the audience with suspension of disbelief so the plot may be seen as plausible.
Gazz Definition: The main point.
Appears In: Four Lions
Kangaroo Court noun
Dictionary Definition: A court set up unofficially with the aim of finding someone guilty.
Gazz Definition: When people decide something that affects you without you being there.
Appears In: Hoss in the City
Kibosh /ky-bosh/ noun
Dictionary Definition: informal Firmly put an end to.
Gazz Definition: To put a stop to.
Appears In: Sheen Unit: John the Juggs’ 40th Wedding Anniversary
Lacuna /luh-kyoo-nuh/ noun (plural lacunae /luh-kyoo-nee/ or lacunas)
Dictionary Definition: A gap or missing portion.
Gazz Definition: Literary device. Gap filler (whilst trying to thin of what you want to say next).
Appears In: Beanz Meanz Knivez
Maguffin noun
Dictionary Definition: The device in a Television Show or Movie, which keeps the plot rolling, generally a character or situation.
Gazz Definition: An object which serves as a catalyst in a movie plot (e.g. an artefact of some kind in Indiana Jones).
Appears In: I’ll Be Home For Christmas
Monolith noun
Dictionary Definition: A large single upright block of stone.
Gazz Definition: Used to replace any noun, in order to suggest it is large (Monolithic).
Appears In: A Full and Complete History of LondonMeUp
Nexus noun (plural nexus or nexuses)
Dictionary Definition: A connection or series of connections.
Gazz Definition: Swirling central point.
Appears In: Gazz Edition - Xmas Eve ‘09
Pashing verb (to pash)
Dictionary Definition: Pashing doesn’t exist. But pash is: slang An infatuation with another person; crush.
Gazz Definition: To kiss.
Appears In: James’ Shit Party
Sheckles /shek-uh l/ noun
Dictionary Definition: spelt Shekels slang money; cash.
Gazz Definition: Money.
Appears In: Money For Old Rope
Shivved verb (to shiv) ORIGIN: Shiv noun informal blade
No Dictionary Definition
Gazz Definition: Cut.
Appears In: Beanz Meanz Knivez
Spinning Jenny noun historical
Dictionary Definition: A machine for spinning with more than one spindle at a time, patented by James Hargreaves in 1770.
Gazz Definition: A wooden machine used in pre-industrial times to spin cotton.
Appears In: James’ Shit Party
Wend verb (wend your way)
Dictionary Definition: Go slowly or by an indirect route.
Gazz Definition: To wander or go at a slow pace. Pretty much the opposite of sheen.
Appears In: Wax Lyrical
Yeoman /yoh-muhn/ adjective
Dictionary Definition: Performed or rendered in a loyal, valiant, useful, or workmanlike manner, esp. in situations that involve a great deal effort or labour: He did a yeoman job on the problem.
Gazz Definition: Someone capable, but not great when completing a specific task.
Appears In: MacGruber
Words / Phrases he Makes Up Himself and Expects You to Understand:
The following are words or phrases you may have heard him use, or read him write. These are (as far as I can tell) specifically attributable to him. I haven’t seen them anywhere else, or from barely anyone else (although I know in some instances he’s commandeered some of them from other such Mavericks / Butchers of the English language).
Aces adjective
Very good or great (this week’s LondonMeUp.Com Issue is aces!)
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 (Xbox)
Bald Lazer Jesus
A way to pre-empt a feeling of shock or surprise. Like saying “Holy Christ!”.
Big Game verb (to talk a Big Game)
When someone talks about something extremely confidently. Whether they have the necessary resources to back up their claims or not.
Bluuurgggghhh! a sound
A noise one will manually perform (with one’s voice) should anything be said (even if they said it) which is potentially dirty, and they’d like to point that out to whomever they’re with at the time.
Butter Face noun
A girl who is conventionally attractive for the most part, except for her face. ORIGIN: “Everything’s good, but her face”.
Dicketry noun
The quality one might show, of being a dick. Performing a ‘dick move’.
A Few Beers Deep
A state one might find themselves in after drinking several alcoholic beverages. Not necessarily ‘drunk’ but on one’s way.
Sheen Unit: John ‘The Juggs’ 40th Wedding Anniversary
Fito noun
Someone who is sexually attractive. ORIGIN: fit adjective Brit: informal sexually attractive, good looking.
Nick: The Luckiest Prick Alive
Game Fear
The anxiety felt when playing a video game, of either dying, attempting to perform a specific task (sometimes against a clock), or somehow not doing very well.
Gulliver noun
Throat or jugular. N.B slang: Gulliver can also be legitimately used to mean head ORIGIN: A Clockwork Orange, or as a deliberate misuse of the word gullible.
Joe Baxi noun
Leeds rhyming slang. Used to mean ‘Taxi’.
Magilla noun
The whole nine yards’.
Mama /moh-mar/ noun Nottinghamshire slang
Grandmother.
Mester noun Nottinghamshire slang.
If one’s child is misbehaving, they might refer to a nearby unknown male as Mester, (without conversing with the male) whilst talking to their child. This unknown male is meant to act as a silent, and unwitting deterrent to the child’s untimely misbehaviour.
Pegged verb (to Peg)
To offer a two finger ‘V’ or ‘Peace’ sign at someone by means of showing your distaste for them.
Rav’d Out verb (to Rav out)
To get so unbelievably hyperactive, you lose all control and would not wish to be held responsible for your actions (to act like Gazz’ old friend Rav).
Rocking verb (to rock)
An all purpose verb used in place of any other verb you may prefer it over at the time.
Sack Off verb (to Sack Off)
If planned, to not bother with. If already started, to stop all together.
Sheened verb (to sheen)
To go with some haste.
Stacked verb (to stack)
To fall over in dramatic, usually unintentional fashion.
Studos /stew-dohs/ noun
Students. (although in the D&AD Student Awards ’09 Write Up he means the team of Student Awards Production Assistants)
Sweating Balls verb
To sweat so heavily that the sweat beads feel more like sweat balls.
Ultimate Bell-End Mode noun ORIGIN: Super Mario Bros Wii 4 Player Mode.
Referring to a mode of the game where the intention is for all 4 players to cooperate and achieve a combined goal. The phrase describes a situation where a group of people should cooperate, but end up naturally doing the opposite, and screw each other over.
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