At certain times in the recent past, I may have been accused of doling out Special Edition LondonMeUp.Com issues like Olympic swimming medals. Even the slightest of special occasions deserved its own colour font, or ClipArt on the homepage. Christmas... that’s fair I think. Halloween... That was the first Special Edition, it was a different time. November 5th... I only really put some fireworks on the front page for that. Valentine’s Day... all right, you can have that one. But despite what I’m certain some people might expect, I have decided not to produce a specific World Cup Issue. Although I do love the World Cup, let it be known (just ask about the W.C. ROOM chart currently taking proud place in my living room for more details), I won’t be talking about it (massively) in this website. The amount of websites, magazines, newspapers, adverts, and some TV shows, all seemingly attempting to completely out do each other for who supports England the most, is unbelievable. It’s because they want to be seen favourably right? They want to be seen as a brand that supports England yeah? But when the main aim of all advertising campaigns, is simply to stand out from the others, why is it that everyone does exactly the same thing? Admittedly it would be brave for a client to OK an anti-World Cup campaign, but if their target audience is mainly the right sort of people who either don’t like football (Radio 4 listeners), or who do like football, and do support the England football team, but are clever enough not to be offended by that sort of thing (Radio 2 listeners), then it’s such an easy way to stand out. That one’s for free Advertising Agencies!

I digress, I’ve seen and read far too much about International football over the past 2 weeks, not to mention the month before that. It’s not that I’m bored of the tournament, not at all, it’s just getting to the most exciting part! I’m just bored of hearing about it. I can’t however, simply ignore all talk of the event whatsoever. It will take over. Take Gazz for example. He warned his twitter followers (@GazzWood if you’re interested) not to mention football, or he would stamp a huge ‘unfollow’ imprint onto their forehead. Yet by saying that, he himself broke his own rule. So I apologise to those of you who don’t care, but the only thing I’ve been hearing for two weeks is football, and right now, that’s the only thing I can talk about.

Except I’m not talking about football, I’m talking about National Identity. About what it means to be English. Note that I said, ‘What it means to be English’ there, not British. I’m British as well of course, and I think it’s brilliant. When I say I’m from Britain, I’ll make sure I say the word slightly slower, and slightly louder so that it sounds more important, my face shakes a tiny bit when I more carefully pronounce both the syllables one by one. I can look at a Union Jack and instantly feel comfortable, or proud. It’s all subconscious of course, but when I really start to think about it, I probably stand with straighter shoulders, and puff my chest out a little. I even feel a tiny bit taller.

Perhaps it’s a good thing that in the world of International football, Britain is separated into 3 separate teams (and Northern Island, which I’m never quite sure if it’s a part of Britain, or if it’s supposed to be said ‘Britain & Northern Island’ all the time). Perhaps if everyone played in red, white, and blue, under the Union Jack, I’d start to feel as embarrassed and as guilty as I do whenever the topic of ‘England’ comes up. At the moment I can just about manage to watch a game of football with England playing, and not feel xenophobic. But make me wave a flag, wear a shirt, or God forbid shout something, and I’d feel the urgent need to go around to all of Earth’s countries individually, and apologise for my (and my countrymen’s) behaviour.

You can’t walk down any roads now without seeing a car or a house with a flag, or a shop without seeing the colours blazoned across a pencil case. Most of the flags I seem to be seeing are in shop windows... and, this may be a coincidence but... the majority of the shops have something to do with another country other than England “TRAITORS!” Walk down Leytonstone High Street, and you’ll see the Star of India Indian restaurant, with a pair of huge England flags over both front windows. I’m not suggesting the proprietor of the Star of India isn’t being entirely truthful in their support for England, I’m sure he/she kisses all three of the lions before tucking themselves in every night, it’s just the only places I see with flags, are all places, if they didn’t have a flag, you might assume didn’t support England. There’s a card shop down the road whose logo is a red gift box, with a white ribbon in a cross shape. They’ve got a massive England flag taking up the entire window display, and I can’t help wondering if it’s only because they worry people think they’re supporting Denmark! If your shop has the name or colour of another country, or you sell something that was made in another country, then you’d better DAMN well have proof that you support England, otherwise your getting done over!

Perhaps it’s just me. In fact I’m almost certain that it is just me. I worry far too much I know. But what do you see when you see an England flag? When I see (in the U.K) groups of people walking around, all with Italian shirts, or South African flags on their backs, or those sunglasses with holes in that you get, with the German flag on them, I think “Oh... that’s nice. Some people supporting their national football side in the World Cup. Good on them! You go Germany fans! And the best of luck to your boys!” Whereas, whenever I see an England shirt, hat, iPhone cover, or face tattoo, I think ‘What a twat’, then instantly afterwards I think ‘Oh God, I hope he can’t tell I was thinking he was a twat just then, he’ll probably knife me. Quick say something about John Terry.’

I feel pride for my country... if England were to win the tournament, It’s stupid but I would feel quite proud to be English. I want them to win, but I can’t wave a flag. I’m not enough of a dick, but part of me wishes I were.

National Pride - Brought to you by James Wormald -